Gaming with kev whack the creeps
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Land of the Free Challenge: Playing as Hacksaw Jim Duggan, disrupt Nikolai Volkoff’s singing of the Soviet National Anthem, and declare that Volkoff isn’t allowed to sing his anthem, because America’s ‘the land of the free.’ Doing this without going cross-eyed will unlock Duggan and Iron Sheik’s New Jersey rental car, which can be used in Backstage Brawl mode. Chances are, you’ll play this one for hours at a time. Ring Cart Race Challenge: Remember those nifty motorized carts, designed to look like mini wrestling rings, that took performers to and from the ring? Pick any wrestler and race your friends around the Pontiac Silverdome! There’s no objective, just go nuts and have fun. By the time you think of one, WWE 2K15 will be out, with the long-awaited “Two Months of XFL Xcitement” mode. Name one celebrity possibly more useless than Herb. Who the Hell is Herb? Challenge: Burger King pitchman “Herb” was inexplicably a guest at WrestleMania II, much in the way that Keystone character Keith Stone made an appearance on Raw two years ago. That bonus achievement is Wells’ tattered CFL uniform, available for use in create-a-wrestler. Bonus achievements are unlocked if Jake drinks it. After Roberts disposes of George “he looks like he could be Tony Atlas from the mezzanine” Wells, your job is to squeeze enough saliva and phlegm out of Wells’ mouth to fill a shot glass.
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Slobber Knocker Challenge: You’re Damian, Jake Roberts’ famed python. The mission will automatically restart if, at any point, you look the least bit competent, suggesting that you’ve done this before. Your goal is to make it abundantly clear that you’re nervous and reading cue cards. Eyes on the Prize Challenge: You play as Lord Alfred Hayes, introducing the backstage promos that precede each match. Christopher Walken recommends the latter method.
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Suggested methods include stepping on the watch, biting it in half, or stuffing it in your rectum. Your objective is to accidentally break the clock precisely at the nine-second mark, preserving the match time forever. Broken Stopwatch Challenge: You play the timekeeper for King Kong Bundy and SD Jones’ historic match, in which the bell-to-bell time ranges between nine and 23 seconds, depending on how stupid you think the viewers are. What if you could reenact the worst of WrestleMania, in terms of unintentional comedy and out-and-out Crapitude? Here at WrestleCrap, we’re more than happy to put our own spin on the game, and offer an alternative. Much of the hype surrounding the release of WWE2K14 has been the “30 Years of WrestleMania” mode, in which the player recreates historic matches and moments from the annals of WWE’s grandest stage.